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the battle is lost

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I can't do this anymore. My life is a series of things I don't understand, and more than that I do not like what I have become. Dennis wins.. I don't like life anymore. I have nothing that would make me love myself, the only thing left in my body is agonizingly hate filled guilt and weakness. My mind is gone, and I have nothing in the world that is pure or sweet or mine. I have nothing that makes me want to be here anymore. I have nothing and no one of my own. I am sitting here wishing I had some kind of plague or something to take me out of this fucking misery of a world. I can't do this anymore. I can't still feel the loss that is Dennis. I can't take it. I am so miserably weak and stupid. I can't find anything in the whole world that is worth being here. I cant' be this person anymore. I'm done.

I am losing the battle today peeps. don't freak out. I will be here tomorrow writing more worthless shit, I am simply losing the battle today. fuck... I wish I had a real gun. dammmit. shooting myself with hannibal or scipio would just sting. and pain I have enough of.

If there was a god or gods or whatever they would find a way to give me some peace and take me the fuck out of the world. I have had enough. I give up. I'm done.
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[User Picture]
On September 1st, 2010 10:53 pm (UTC), synnoveaevael commented:

i miss you :(
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[User Picture]
On September 1st, 2010 11:11 pm (UTC), blueimber commented:
find faith in yourself
even in these darkest places where we fear for our worth and
tremble in our solitudes
we must always remember that we are the hardest stuff
that we are the diamonds
and that these fires which burn us so completely
will only serve to make us more brilliant and
treasured in the end.

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