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sneaky....

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tonight I'm crying again. I have finally made myself free of you dennis. You are never going to contact me again, and I am so glad you are not here making me miserable. I simply got used to you trying. I think I must be sick, I have some weird illness of the brain that makes me want you to try. some freakish need for you to come after me. I'm sorry for it, and I know it is sick. an illness... in my rational mind I know better. I know that you are gone, and am happy about it. I know we don't fit together. I know that your voice is anathema to my wellbeing. I know that any appearance by you is guaranteed to make me insane with pain and suffering. I know this. My stupid heart misses the stalking... How fucking stupid is that?! Yet here I am again crying for the loss of you. The parts of me that are logical and analytical are so glad to be rid of you. what part is it that makes the loss so awful? is there ever going to be a time or place that doesn't remind me of you? I had omaha for a while, but you ruined that last time. You killed it for me, and I can't even go to that city without seeing you in my dad's house, or running into the ghost of a memory of us on a street or in a park. No where in Omaha is safe for me from you, and now sometimes even in my room here on the east coast I am not safe. How do I get the desire for you to go away? please tell me how to be finally rid of you. I cannot keep running from even a memory of you. It isn't healthy. Go away Dennis memories... Go away now. Let me be so I can stop emotionally bleeding. It isn't right. You don't care, why do I? Why... Just go away now... Go away.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PCLERYzJsYA
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