I have done it again. I have let myself be open to the idea of a relationship thinking that is what has been happening, and have been proven wrong. I have known this person for a month, and already they want to involve someone else, which means they think of me as only sex. I guess I was a dummy for ignoring my history and believing that I could be loved by someone. It isn't this person's fault of course. I was very open with them, and honest about my sexual history. They would of course see that as an invitation to try things. I guess the point of this little rant, is that I should remind myself of exactly what my true value is. I am a walking pile of sex only, and to hope for anything else is folly. Lesson learned. Lesson... learned..
The only real surprise here I suppose is that I was so stupidly open to getting hurt by letting someone in. Thank goodness I found this out so soon, so that now I can just switch gears and put this person in the friend zone and move on. I should have known better, and now I feel silly for all of my foolish hope. I was so retardedly happy. Why do I keep doing this to myself? I have always been alone. I was born to be alone. I am a horrible person really, and I know that. I deserve the pain I have caused my self with this little bout of stupidity. I can accept that this is my life's condition. I can do this. Alone. I will never tell them how much this hurts, and how stupidly I have hoped. I will put the walls back up, and just have fun with a new FWB. Lesson. Learned.